Happy Sunday 🌞

This week, we’re doing things a little differently!

I asked what questions you’ve had on this journey, and a few of you reached out with comments and emails.

I chose three that I see many people in this community experience.

Q: I wish I knew how to overcome past conditioning and the shame of always feeling like the odd one out.

It all starts with awareness. You have already made the first step of recognizing that it is old conditioning. Meaning, you’ve already created distance between you and the story your mind tells you from this old pattern of energy tied to your past. That is an extremely powerful realization that few people make.

Suffering comes from immediately identifying with the old story. Here’s a practice you can try now, or the next time you get triggered or feel shame (for the first time, I recommend doing this in a safe space, not in public):

1. Notice that you are thinking. These are just thoughts. Notice how there is a chattering voice, and there is a present awareness that is observing the thinking. Again, the basis of suffering is immediately believing in what the chattering voice tells us.

2. Notice the physical response your body has to what your mind says. Is it a tightness in your chest? A burning in your throat? Sweaty or shaky hands? Really lean into it, and don’t try to suppress the physical sensations. More importantly, allow it to come up with acceptance. Sometimes saying a mantra like, “I will be friendly with this present moment, no matter what arises. I accept this current moment,” is helpful.

3. This is stored emotion. Congratulations for allowing yourself to feel it, because all negative emotions not recognized and felt in the moment will be stored in the body. The reason why the thoughts and old conditioning still feel real is because of the emotion you feel when you think them. Thus, it’s not an issue with “thinking” or an “old conditioning”, but rather, your body has stored emotions it is trying to express.

4. Focus on the body, not the old story. Truth will always feel like freedom. The mind will say anything. If you sit in meditation, you’ll notice that the mind can be completely neurotic and all over the place. The mind is to help us with creation, idea generation, etc., but is not meant to be believed and trusted all of the time. Especially not when it comes to negative emotion. The mind will say anything, trying to make sense of the physical sensations you are experiencing. That doesn’t make it real. It’s just a program, making automatic connections that aren’t based in reality. Your body will always tell you when something is absolutely true, because it will feel expansive, light, and joyful. Lies will always feel like constriction, anxiety, and shame.

5. Continue this practice with compassion. Congrats, my friend! :D This is what it is like to build a real relationship with yourself. It’s about showing up for your shadow, buried emotions with acceptance and presence. The more you do this, and simply notice negative emotions and thoughts when they arise, the more you will start to build REAL self-trust and love!! 🥹 eeee I’m excited for this!!

Q: I'm struggling with extreme exhaustion. Every day I wake up, there's nothing substantial to excite me about the day to come.

Ooh. I feel you. I remember when I used to feel so drained and uninspired by my day-to-day; it felt like everything I was doing was not what I wanted, but was just what society had conditioned me. It can feel so hopeless and helpless. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way now. You’re not alone.

But. I’d like to point out something that I only know from retrospect. This build-up may be a really beautiful tower moment for you. Meaning, your body and mind are sending you these signals of “something is not right.” And ONLY from this place is where REAL transformation occurs.

Our body sends us signals constantly. Humans have extremely strong intuition. With this exhaustion, you are clearly drained by something energetically, physically, and/or emotionally, and your body is telling you that.

Here are 2 practices I recommend you do to help gain some clarity and grow from this situation:

1. Observe: What are your Energy Givers and Energy Takers?

I’ve made this short on this a while back, and also wrote about this in this newsletter (where I shared a free page from my workbook).

Essentially, give yourself time to journal about what is draining you (energy takers) and what is inspiring and filling you up (energy givers) in your day-to-day.

This can be people, conversation topics, ideas, work, foods, shows, and so on. Give yourself a day or so where you are extremely observant of this. We usually feel extremely drained in moments where we forget to make time for our energy givers.

2. Allow yourself to brain dump.

I recommend a journaling practice (meaning pen to paper, not typing) for absolutely everyone. It helps so much with clarity and for slowing your thoughts down.

Feeling exhausted may also mean that you are carrying a lot of energy and thoughts that are not yours that you need to let go of. Set a timer for 15 minutes and write out every single thought that is coming up. You are the only person who needs to see it. (Based on experience, if I notice writing a particular thought down feels awkward or there is resistance to it, that means it NEEDS to be written down. So no filter here.)

Q: I can’t stop thinking about my ex. He was kind, not toxic, but I can’t detach. I want to stop leaning on him and feel strong again. Should I stay friends with him since we didn't end up fighting or anything?

I feel for you so, so deeply. Sometimes relationships can trigger things within us we didn’t even know we had, and can cause so much confusion and rumination. This is normal.

Remember that you are not alone in this process, and you are not crazy. I receive so many comments and emails like this, and it’s so interesting how our brain tricks us into thinking that something is wrong with us or that this isn’t how the process should be, etc.

I made a video on this a while back that you may resonate with.

I also think this video on external validation may help.

Heartbreak (even though it can be SO weirdly painful and confusing) can be such an extremely beautiful opportunity. We learn so much about ourselves in heartbreak. It gives us the chance to feel and show up for our inner child. This means that throughout this process, you must let yourself feel.

I recommend setting aside at least 20 minutes and journaling out:

• What emotions am I experiencing? Where am I feeling them in my body?

• How would I show up for my best friend, or a child who was feeling this way? ]

• Now, take 3 of the deepest breaths you can possibly do with your eyes closed, and ask: How can I best show up for myself in this time? Write the first thing that comes to mind.

As for staying friends with him, I refrain from giving specific advice when I don’t personally know the situation. However, I can tell you this much:

• At this time, I’d try not to reach out to him out of loneliness, for reassurance, or from other negative emotions. You need to focus on your own healing. You call your energy back to yourself this way. This looks like 1) noticing when you have the desire to reach out, 2) pausing and taking a breath, and 3) going inward and asking yourself what you truly are looking for in that moment. If you have a lot of things to say to him, I even recommend writing it all out in a letter and burning or ripping it.

• When you allow yourself to feel and show up for yourself with acceptance, you will know the answer. The answer will become very clear. So don’t rush into making big decisions right now. Just focus on the internal work and make it about your journey.

THAT’S ALL, FOLKS! I hope you enjoyed this week’s letter!! ❤️ 

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With love and light,

Emma